My Oasis

its my room, but it is being transformed into a spiritual oasis. I have a 7 tier she,f that I’m painting and adorning with trinkets, candles and crystals and I’m working on chakra balancing and healing.  I hope to be finished painting today.

Then the last few boxes need to be put up so that I can focus all my energy on healing.

My body is tired and sore, my neck stiff.  My appetite is down and I continue to battle chapped lips, pimples around my mouth and nostrils.

I am never bored despite never leaving the house.  I have purchased some paints and finally going to work on some of the things I’ve wanted to do for years.  One being resentment rocks and honing my painting abilities…..paint by numbers haha! But I still have resentments and I want to work out as many of those as I can and as quickly as possible.

I don’t feel like I’m dying.  I don’t feel well, but I feel better than January. There is something to be said about preparing things in the event I am called home.   It’s ensuring my “last dying wishes” are fulfilled. And if the cancer vacates my body, then I will justensure that I am always ready to walk onward when I’m called to do so.

There are times I get angry, especially at politicians and corporations. Ye who made this a great nation allowed greed to be what was fed, not the upliftment of ALL of humanity. And learning that everything that I thought was real is a lie and how some feel others aren’t worthy – as if they are God.

blessed beyond measure, I carry in me the love and light that is dying to fully express itself. And now I finally have a space where I can nurture that.

godspeed on being renewed.

The waiting game

For the most part, I feel okay. I am definately more tired than before, more fatigued, but I feel okay.

I’ve had a reduced appetite but I have been juicing (thanks to Kelly Land) and making GreenBlender smoothies.

I have been adding CBD Crystals to the smoothies. I have also been drinking water and food grade hydrogen peroxide. In addition, I take black seed oil, vitamin D, garlic, zinc, vitamin C and probiotics.

I have cut out most meat and eating more veg. There are days where I’ll have hamburger meat and maybe some chicken. I don’t crave it and would rather stick to the raw fruits and veggies, grains, and fish.

In all my research, cancer can be categorized as a fungus or a virus and the cancer cannot survive in an oxygen rich, alkaline environment.

I have spent the better part of the last three years working diligently on healing my mental and emotional self. It wasn’t until I got a cancer diagnosos that I began to pay attention.

While I have been “asleep” in my selfish, woe-filled attitude, not realizing how wrong things are, I allowed this cancerous warfare to enter, poison, and alter my cellular chemistry. This lead to me to realize how corrupt our government is. Don’t trust what I say. Do the research yourself. A great place to start is YouTube and a search on Agenda 21.

On Monday I go for a radiation appt. I know my brain tumor was 4.5cm. I was not on cancer meds the first month post-surgery. I have now been receiving treatment for a month. I know the tumor removed won’t be the measurement on how effective my efforts are going. It will be the smaller ones so I’ll need to see my brain scans. I sure hope there isn’t issue with that.

If the tumors are shrinking, I will be refusing radiation. I also am trying to learn as much as I can to refuse their poisonous cancer medications. But I can’t do that just yet as I lack the confidence and knwledge. All I know is I can’t fuck this up because I got a lot of life in me.

The Onset (October 9, 2017)

I know that my cancer started before my symptoms but I can definitely tie my onset to early Monday Morning on October 9th.  I had been driving for Uber and was at the SF Airport and ended up taking a rider to the East Bay.  It had to be about 2-3am and I was being blown all over the bridge, it was hot outside (in the 70’s) and I could smell something burning.  Like “on fire next to me” burning.

The air quality that week was horrendous.  Later that day, on the 9th of October, my chest felt heavy, and then the cough started.  By the weekend, I was full-fledged “sick.”

I had a muscle spasm when I would cough so I wasn’t able to really get a good cough in.  It took some weeks.  By about November, the muscle spasm subsided and I was able to really cough.

I was in the shower and blowing my nose, taking in the hot steam and I coughed up something, spit it out and saw blood.  I recall having a conversation with my son that I had coughed up blood.  It wasn’t alot,, but it was blood and not normal.

I continued to drive for Uber but I was starting to take longer and longer breaks.  I wasn’t feeling well at all.  I was starting to get headaches and neckaches.  By December, I was experiencing dizziness, vertigo and nausea  I crashed my truck (not hard) at least 3-4 times into the fence or pole where I live (sardine can parking lot!)

As Christmas approached, I was starting to slow down on my driving, I’m feeling like shit daily and I’m trying my hardest to stay out a full 8 hours and/or drive at increased fare times.  I gave a ride to a friend who asked if I had been drinking because I was slurring my words.  I was all about Uber – I had a car, license, registration AND I passed a background check.  I loved that job!  LOVED IT!

I drove New Years Eve and then a couple days later and that was it.  I just couldn’t do it anymore.  I stayed at home in my bed, ordering food for delivery and I smoked pot, took Tylenol and I slept as my fatigue was really bad.

On or about January 14th, Johnny got sick and vomited.  The next two days, I was puking.  I thought I had that nasty flu.  I could feel something in my sinus passages (or so I thought) and I would need antibiotics.

I went to the urgent care department and I was hospitalized.  Within 4 hours I knew a diagnosis was coming.  I just didn’t know what they were going to call it.

Since that day, my life was turned upside down.