The resemblance of a shattered immune system

As miserable as I am, I have not had to endure the pains of advanced stage 4 lung cancer like I imagined the first few weeks.  My tumor in my head continues to be stable, slightly diminished since March scan.  I will have another radiation oncology appointment next week, then a PET scan, then another appointment, this time with my oncologist.  All I wanna hear is that I’m a miracle and I wanna see him scratch his head.  If I can make them do that, I will stop taking Tagrisso.

The side effects suck.  I have had chronic chapped and broken out lip area.  My nostrils get little pimples and they crack and hurt. I invested in some natural remedies that help treat MRSA.  That is after all, what lead to my April hospitalization. And I just feel like this is all related.  I spent a near $90  the honey I got was nearly $28.  I also got tea tree oil and oregano oil.  I also added vitamin E oil to use as the carrier oil.

I put the honey and oil mixture on my face and I’m getting ready to go shower in a few minutes.  It’s been there all day.  I also got bandaids and some L-Lysine and hot/cold packs.

All I know is that everything has changed for me.  I’m mortal and my indulgence hasn’t helped me.  I miss people.  Six months since I was hospitalized will be marked on the 17th of June.  Im floored with how amazing my son is.  He checks on me, helps me anyway he can and there is just a deep and genuine love.


i have a bazillion projects going right now.  Ancestry, rearranging my room to make a metatation area, im working on letters pictures and stuffing a box for the kids.  My chest, still, is empty and hollow.  I forever will wonder why I have repelled people and live with the conflicted feelings every time I look at my son because he, more than anyone else, got shafted.  He is the one person that loves me unconditionally.  He listens to me, even when I talk about things that are unreal.

My eyes are awake.  I am far from being innocent and the evil in the world slithers around  and waits patiently to strike.  I don’t trust anyone anymore….well, the one thing that hasn’t failed me, really two things, God and my son….three – Mikki.  I don’t deserve either of them.  But I have learned the value of a person isn’t measured by anything other than what is in their heart and God knows my fear and my paralysis in certain situations.  He also knows my intentions are pure.

Time to  shower!  I can’t stand this honey concoction on my face anymore.



I have ridden alone most of my life. Battling cancer is no different. I am not apart of any family in the true nature of the word. I know people care about me. That was evident when I was diagnosed, hospitalized and had brain surgery.

I came home and prepared to get sick. I shopped for things to make my convalescing easier. I purchased products to hydrate and boost my immunity. My biggest side effect is chapped lips, an impacted immune system that lead a pimple to cellulitis and now I have a pimple in my nose that is causing redness and swelling.  And it hurts – A LOT!!!

All reality  is, is my perception on what happens around me. My thoughts drive emotions and both have the ability to impare my vision of my reality.

Today, my reality is one I wouldn’t wish on anyone.  I still feel cursed and now diseased.  Because I got sick (onset) the night of the Santa Rosa firestorm, I believe it is the reason for my cancer.

While my cancer is mine, my own to deal with, it is crucial that I recover. But, when I tell people (like my BFF’s Ex-mother-in-law) or hear thru third parties that I am terminal, it becomes clear just how alone I am and what I face.

I have lung cancer but the cancer that spread to my brain is more concerning than the source in my lungs. I see everyone going on with their lives, I either do not get calls, or returned calls, or those I get seem superficial. They are void of true emotion and based on how I’ve been alienated from my family it’s really hard not to feel the shame that others must feel.

I don’t know. I hurt and my heart pounds in my chest in such a way that if it were to stop beating, my only wish is my son does not come home alone. My decision to refuse radiation and chemotherapy and stick to only the target “chemo” pill, eliminates options. So, this has to work. It just has to!

Time to meditate under my new lights.  My tracking devices. Such a bullshit world we live in, but that’s another Oprah Show.

My Oasis

its my room, but it is being transformed into a spiritual oasis. I have a 7 tier she,f that I’m painting and adorning with trinkets, candles and crystals and I’m working on chakra balancing and healing.  I hope to be finished painting today.

Then the last few boxes need to be put up so that I can focus all my energy on healing.

My body is tired and sore, my neck stiff.  My appetite is down and I continue to battle chapped lips, pimples around my mouth and nostrils.

I am never bored despite never leaving the house.  I have purchased some paints and finally going to work on some of the things I’ve wanted to do for years.  One being resentment rocks and honing my painting abilities…..paint by numbers haha! But I still have resentments and I want to work out as many of those as I can and as quickly as possible.

I don’t feel like I’m dying.  I don’t feel well, but I feel better than January. There is something to be said about preparing things in the event I am called home.   It’s ensuring my “last dying wishes” are fulfilled. And if the cancer vacates my body, then I will justensure that I am always ready to walk onward when I’m called to do so.

There are times I get angry, especially at politicians and corporations. Ye who made this a great nation allowed greed to be what was fed, not the upliftment of ALL of humanity. And learning that everything that I thought was real is a lie and how some feel others aren’t worthy – as if they are God.

blessed beyond measure, I carry in me the love and light that is dying to fully express itself. And now I finally have a space where I can nurture that.

godspeed on being renewed.

My Most Recent Update (MRI)

Hello Everyone!

I have an update that I’d like to post today. Before I get into my MRI Results, I would like to thank everyone for the kind words, the well-wishes, the prayers and the financial support. The money that was provided via this campaign allowed me to live the last five months without much worry about things like power, food, transportation, things I (we) needed as I bore down to kick these cells out of my body.

My disability check came in. Dealing with EDD/SDI is a NIGHTMARE but I got a nice gentleman on the phone, and he spent an HOUR getting everything he needed to pay the claim.. Then it took 12 days from when it paid for me to receive the Debit Card. Just totally unacceptable but I’ve been able to pay on and ahead on some bills, order in somethings we need and toss my son a couple bucks so he can get a newer phone (his is just way too slow and the cracked screen doesn’t help either!)

I just want to say THANK YOU because of the people that came out, showed their support and expressed concern, its because of all ya all that I’m even standing here today.

===And Now The Update===

On Monday, I woke up, showered and got ready then I realized it wasn’t Tuesday LOL So on Tuesday I had an MRI Appointment at VMC. I went in and slept thru the MRI now that I’m an old pro.

When I was first diagnosed with Cancer, I was a WRECK while in that machine because I knew that something wasn’t right and that they were getting clearer images of what they had already seen. I remember just sobbing and screaming silently through the tears.

Twice they had to stop the MRI early, but were able to see the tumor in my brain and nothing is more scary than hearing cancer is in the brain. After I was diagnosed, they gave me something to calm me down and I went into the MRI machine again for a short 15 minute scan.

So I went to the appointment on Tuesday and yesterday (Wednesday May 30th) the doctors office called and said that everything was stable and the Radiation Oncologist would see me on the 22nd.

Well, my appt isn’t on the 22nd. Its the 11th, but if I’m stable, delaying the appointment works for me!

At the end of June, I will have a PET Scan and there I will get a feel for what the tumor in my lung and right adrenal gland is up to. So my post after early/mid July will have more information as to what my lungs are doing.

I have not had any coughing episodes. I do get winded (tired) when I’m out and about. I feel a general dizzy feeling when I first get up, sometimes so bad I have to put a hand on the wall so that I don’t faint. My neck hurts, but its always hurt and I’m sure that has to do with my car accident and broken clavical that I’ve endured since I was 19. My god, that was 30 years ago (gulp!)!

I just read the MRI report and it says:
1. Multiple stable hemorrhagic enhancing lesions as described, consistent with known metastatic disease. Mild decrease in size of the left parietal cortical lesion.

2. No new lesions are seen.”

What is missing, that I still don’t know is the number of tumors.

Can I get a “HELL YESSSSSSS” From all you all please!!!!!! I am over the moon! YAY

This really is a peculiar thing as I have Stage 4 Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer. I have a 2.5cm (Jan 2018) tumor in my upper left lung. It is my belief and feeling that the Fires in Santa Rosa (if not the cause) complicated and brought my onset symptoms to the forefront. But they have done more tests on my brain than my lung and I have more tumors in my brain than my lung. But I don’t have Brain Cancer. Go figure!

Now, I have no idea of the tumor size on the right adrenal gland. On 1/29/18 I underwent a surgical procedure to remove a 4.5cm (golf ball sized) tumor from my right frontal/parietal lobe. The overall affected side was 10-12cm in length and this includes all of the swollen and areas of edema but now what remains is typical of “post op”. YAY

All of my labs are PERFECT but they do show elevated White Blood Cells when I went into the doctor and again when I went to the hospital for that face infection I had in April. My Red Blood Cells are typically low, as they have been that way my whole life and that indicates anemia, but low RBC’s is “normal” for me. I am considered “text book” otherwise surrounding my labs and I’m very proud of that, being I’m overweight, have poor health habits (smoker/history with drugs/alcohol and overweight!)

I have been taking CBD Oil from the Shelter Project and Jetty Extracts. They provided me three months this last shipment and I take about a gram of CBD oil a week.

I also have been taking supplements, however I cut back on those for two reasons – first was when I was in the hospital, I didn’t take them with me and I was on morphine for pain and nauseated. The supplements along with Tagrisso (my “chemo in a pill” treatment) and an empty stomach bring on nausea. I do not do nausea well at all.

Thanks to Kelly Land, I have been juicing and making smoothies, not every single day, but more often than not. I just had groceries delivered so I got a full stock on everything to continue juicing.

When the nurse called to say I was stable, my son was in the room and I just cried.

The other symptoms I have is related to Tagrisso and its chapped lips and my nose is affected and at times, hurts and swells. Its been pretty constant since my April hospital stay. I just need to drink more water, keep doing what I’ve done, step up the CBD oil and supplements, stay away from all the GMO, non-organic foods, sugar and dead animal flesh.

I’ve lost all my Jan 2018 hospital weight and overall, I’m down at least 10 pounds from where I was prior to diagnosis – a weight that I have held steady for the last few years (give or take). Thats all fine and dandy but I’m still at least 50 pounds above my ideal weight and so long as I’m not wasting away and losing slowly, then I’ll take it.

Now, back to my head, the other “numerous tumors” measure around 7mm so they are small, like pencil erasers i’ve been told. The fact they are not growing and have began to shrink leaves me with a FUCK YA!!! feeling. I’m skipping and I think I hurt my back when I did that flip!

I have found The Truth About Cancer to be a wealth of information. I also have found Dr. Axe to be very helpful with nutritional information. And Patients Like Me is a great site to connect to others with similar symptoms/conditions. There’s other websites that are great with alternative cancer treatments and I cannot emphasize enough that importance of knowing what you’re putting in your body (even that which comes from the doctor as much of it is poison!)

I remain hopeful but I do have days where I just want to cry. I don’t want to see evil win and this cancer, is EVIL. The Truth will set me free! I

To my friends near and far, my parents, children, and anyone else reading this – thank you for being a star in my sky.

What I Do To Help My Body Fight Cancer

This is a compilation of the things I do, or don’t do, that are considered natural treatments for this dreaded disease called Cancer.

First, as I’ve stated, I got sick the night the Santa Rosa firestorm literally blew up.  That was Oct 9 2017 in the early morning hours.  It was that day I developed a cough and my health was in decline until my diagnosis date of Jan 22, 2018.  I do get dizzy and winded when I’m up and about, and I feel primarily the same .  In February I felt better than I did the time around  my diagnosis.

Last doctors appointment, I was told I have “textbook” labs, everything is in normal ranges.  I do have anemia but iron levels are fine, as is temp, blood pressure, and oxygen sats.

The first thing I would tell someone walking this path is to do your research on cancer and why you cannot trust the medical establishment or the FDA.  Sad,but it’s true.  I highly recommend watching the Bruzynski movie on Netflix or you can find it on YouTube.  Dr. Bruzynski had a cure for cancer but the FDA and Big Pharma stood to loose a lot of Money.

Other cancer cures the FDA has “outlawed” include, but are not limited to Laetrile, or Vitamin B17.  You cannot buy B17 off the shelf, but it is the seed of an apricot.  There are traces of a chemical very similar to cyanide, however you have to eat a gaggle of seeds for it to be truly harmful.  The cyanide in the seed is delivered to the cancer cell and the cell dies.

i have not yet tried the Laetrile, or apricot seed oil but I will be looking into that soon.

now, I have brain metastases, and chemotherapy does not pass the blood brain barrier, so radiation would be treatment for brain tumors.  At last MRI in March, my tumors were same size and no new ones were present.  Not bad 8 weeks post-op and only 3 weeks on Tagrisso.

What I do to help this “chemo pill,” the Tagrisso,  do what it does is that I ensure an alkaline system.  I avoid sugar except when I have coconut popsicles.  I rarely eat meat, if I do I lean to fish or chicken.  I have meat hardly ever and no pork.

I eat mostly veggies, I drink a smoothie most mornings, I may have bread and butter, I rarely drink milk (only with grape nut cereal), cheese has been cut way back and I have maybe 4 yogurts and 6 eggs a week.  I drink green tea and aloe Vera drinks, coconut wherever possible.

i use coconut oil when I need to use oil.  I also add frankensense essential oil to coconut oil and rub that on my neck so that the frankensense is absorbed into the skin.  I run 2 Air diffusers filled with eucalyptus oil, lemon oil and others known to help with cancers.

Jetty Extracts has a program called The Shelter Project where they may give cancer pTients free CBD oils.  You want a 3:1 ratio with helps with pain, nausea and insomnia.  That’s 3 parts CBD and 1 part THC.  You can read about Rick Simpson Oil or RSO all over the internet.  I put this on the roof of my mouth 3x a day.  It’s said that after I ingest 60 grams in about 90 days, my cancer should be shrinking if not cured.  I also vape the CBD Oil but mostly, take it orally.

cancer thrives in a dark, oxygen deprived and acidic environment.  Sunshine is good for you, eat FRESH greens, kale, spinache, brocolli, zucchini, etc.  these turn into oxygen as the food is digested.  I also purchased from amazon FOOD GRADE Hydrogen Peroxide that I add to water 3x a day.  This gives a boost of oxygen right into my system.

I also put a little baking soda and lemon in water and drink. You can freeze and shred a lemon to put on fish, or even in yogurt.  I try to eat 1-2 lemons a day.  The lemon and soda alkaline the body.  You don’t want to be too alkaline ine, just in normal range of a pH level 5-7.

i went to CVS and stocked up on supplements.  I take i cant talk right now – ill holla back when i finish what im doing Black Seed Oil (look at Dr. Sebi) and anything for Immune System and Heart Health, Garlic Zinc, D3, Echinacea, a Daily Vitamin, Vitamin C, and a probiotic.

Aside from Burzynski and Sebi, watch, more than anything, no smoking, buy natural products, go organic where possible, NO GMO foods, and watch mental health.  Take only what you must and drink lots of carrot juice, beat juice, and green leafy juice and smoothies.

look into a green superfood protein powder to add to smoothies.  Nuts are good for you, ok to add, just avoid the salt.  I run a Himalayan Salt Lamp that clears the air and I ensure my room stays dusted when possible.  I have other people clean if it’s really dusty.  I keep coughing to minimum. If I cough it up, it comes out as it could be cancer your swollowing. I stocked up on Tylenol, Benadryl and Mucinex.

I also have help through social services and IHSS.  If I can help you, if you are suffering from cancer, please get at me.  My email and my phone number is (408) 454-8769.

I use Medisafe to remind me to take meds and the  Patients Like Me website for support, updates (infrequent but try to update once a week and after appts.)  I also use a medicine checker, inputting even thesuppliments, to ensure no adverse reactions.

If cooking is difficult, look into meal delivery services, green blender will deliver ingredients for 5 smoothies a week for $50.  Don’t drink alcohol and keep the mind positive.  Learn to meditate, even yoga.  I listen to Chuck Wild aka Liquid Mind which relaxes me and help me stay grounded.

Know cancer comes from what we eat and breathe or are exposed to, many things, of which, the government does deliberately to experiment on us, even without consent.

Much Love,



Eyes Wide Open

I spend most of my time on YouTube watching conspiracy truth channels.  In a way, it’s my way of growing closer to god.  While I haven’t lived saintly, I am far from satanic and I am able to see how this country was formed under a type of rule that is mind blowing.

This rabbit hole is neverending and one thing leads to another. These posts are a place to show another view that the MainStream media does not tell.  Please, don’t believe me because I feel this is truth.  Keep an open mind and consider all viewpoints as in the middle of my truth and your truth is THE TRUTH.

The first videos that I recommend are relating to the “end game” or the vision that the globalists have.  Once you understand the terms and the directives of Agenda 21, then I will delve into who’s behind this “New World Order / NWO.”  I will touch on sensitive emotional topics like Kennedy’s assignation, how 911 was an inside job, and how we’ve been programmed to support barbaric wars, idolize celebrities, and that our government is ran and controlled by foreign banks and very powerful bloodlines.

We will talk about MK-Ultra Mind Control, the Secret Space Program, Big Pharma, Cancer, immunizations, weather modification, HAARP, CERN, and how we are on the brink of a cataclysm and extinction level event that s unfolding in the book of revelations.

You will know who, moreover, what QAnon is, what FEMA is really up to, why our police look like army soldiers, and how Walmart is being used should marshal law be inacted.

i will demonstrate why and how the moon landing was faked, Santa iv symbolism in movies and music, as well as what PizzaGate is, how there is a government shakedown happening with nearly 30,000 indictments coming down.  If you aren’t aware of all the CEO and political resignations, you will be.

Lastly, you will be shown how we are all slaves, how race movements have spawned racial divide and how propaganda is used to rally Support or opposition to further their (the elite’s) “agenda.”  You will know what Geo engineering and chemtrails are and understand the solar simulator, as well as flat earth.

The end game, is Agenda 21 – Sustainable Development  and you can read the Agenda 21 document here on the UN’s website.

That’s right from the horses mouth!!

If you are short for time, here’s a video that discusses the topics relating to Agenda 21

…and I haven’t even brought up ET’s, as assention, raising vibrations, consciousness or bible prophecy.  The rabbit whole goes deep and in the end, you can judge for yourself.


Which element is out of balance

I found this article today and decided to take the little quiz to see what my aches, pains and ailments are and how those score against elemental imbalance.

”Ancient Chinese Secrets”are no joke and I have always believed in the philosophy and healing modalities of the Chinese.  Few empires have lasted as long as China has!

The article by the folks at “Healthy Indeed” is here and I interested to know how others score!

4 Water—related to the kidneys and bladder. Water people are calm, patient and peaceful.
2 Wood—related to the liver and gallbladder. Wood people are bold, driven and decisive.
1 Fire—related to the nervous, circulatory and glandular systems. Fire people are charismatic and charming.
3 Earth—related to the stomach and pancreas. Earth people are nurturing, helpful and loyal.
5 Metal—related to the lungs and colon. Metal people are precise, orderly and reserved.

I had more fire symptoms, then wood, Earth, water and lastly metal.

I didnt score onsome of the bronchitis and asthma symptoms.  While my breathing is more labored, it also isn’t getting worse. I’ve always been nervous and anxious, my feet tingle when I’m tired (lack of blood flow) and I’ve always felt fatigued. I can’t tell you how many times I tested the Thryoid but it always tested within normal ranges.

Heres the chart so you can grade your symptoms to find out the elements that are out of balance, also from Healthy Indeed.


Mother’s Day / My Great Darkness

Sadness overwhelms me.  I’m sick, probably dying, my son is wonderful, and he’s literally all I got.  He worked today and I worked on Genealogy.

No call, no text, nothing from my daughter.  No acknowledgement on the text I sent my mom.  My dad remembered me as did Mikki.

I really thought Breanna and I would grow closer together. When I saw her in January, she was all about the relationship.  That’s quickly faded and it is what it is.  My thoughts drive my feelings and my false beliefs drive my thoughts.  I’m worthy of a good life and Love. It’s all internal.

Time to meditate

A Change In Perception

Since 9/11/01, eyes are wide open. I have swung my support of republican politics and now consider myself fully independent. In fact, I do not trust the government in any capacity. I feel poisoned, deceived, and manipulated.

After learning or waking up to the TRUTH, I am happy to see another look. May those that are part of this inquiry be swayed towards to revealing the truth

MRI Results and My Immune System

This entry is about my brain scan MRI Results, my compromising immune system, and my overall mental health.

Please share and donate. Every $ helps,,,


Thank you Melissa! I love the crock pot. I appreciate u. A LOT!

MRI Results

The last time I had an RMI was in January and before my brain surgery. Surgery was about 9-10 weeks ago. As I had indicated, the tumor was 5.4cm and had swelling all around the tumor so total affected area was about 10cm.

While at the radiation oncology appointment, my radiation and I spoke before I head the results. I told her flat out I do not want full brain radiation. It scares the crap out of me. And I don’t want to be dumbed down or have brain trauma and unpleasant.

I lost a pound since last appointment. My blood pressure is in range. If feel good out of the time. Well, maybe not “good” as I’m not 100% and I’m rather healthy if you take away the fact I have Metastatic Lung Cancer.

No Radiation!!!

Omg, I about fell over. The tumor site is healing, she couldn’t see any edema and she was really happy that Tagrisso is working. I asked if they are smaller, bigger, more of them or less.

They smaller tumors are all over my brain. She said there’s not additional ones, and the ones I have are the same size. I’ve been on Tagrisso about 5 weeks. I will go back for another MRI in 2 months and we go from there.

My Immune System

….in one word – getting torched. Little scapes take forever to heal. I woke up with two pimples on my face near mouth and chin. I made the mistake of popping them, and now I look like I have a HUGE abscess.

All day long it’s growing and growing. If I get a fever higher than 100 I’ll have to goto ER. Otherwise I will go to urgent care down the street in the did NOT look like that this morning and since taking that pic, it’s now dropping from gravity.


Between just having cancer, the fact I I gave this infection where I may have to goto hospital, of which all surfaced after I spoke to a man about creating his website. He’s here on the north side so close!

During the first part of the call he tells me his wife was diagnosed on Valentine’s Day in 2017. He said she died Feb 4th just 10 days shy of her diagnosis anniversary.

I got off the phone and I was sooo upset. She was 56, 15 years younger than the average age most with lung cancer. He confirmed what I know and what the doctor said and tat is stage 4 lung cancer is incurable.

The part that got me was she was up and out of the house, they were doing things. Then she came home and woke up in pain, went to urgent care and they did blood work and sent her home. After labs came back, they met with oncologist who sent her home on hospice. Nine days later she died.

The Reality

Cancer is ugly. While I haven’t been health conscious, I came to a point in. Y life where I had regained my independence, I LOVED driving for Uber, I was never angry or upset. I was even keeled.

The reality is I can’t get infections. They can kill me and knowing that he could be without a mom just breaks my heart. Breanna is at Arizona University finishing her junior year. Am I missed so much with her these last 8 years and only because of cancer do we text way more often.

And here’s my face one last time. Can you see a difference between the 2nd and third one? It feels more swollen. I’m going to shower and cry and get the ick off me.

I will update after I get back from urgent care provided they don’t admit me.